dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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