So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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