A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
