Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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