so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
