Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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