Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
