She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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