Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
