bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize