i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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