In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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