Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
