So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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