I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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