please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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