im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
