I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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