life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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