wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
