Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
