I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
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