just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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