I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
