We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
