dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
