Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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