Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
