I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
