My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
