I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
