my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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