as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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