well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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