hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
