i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
