y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
