im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
