the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
