I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize