then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
