why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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