I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
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