Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
vagina is talking i cant
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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