The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
