Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
