that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
