I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
