he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
