I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
