So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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