he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need a hoe opinion
go on
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
