I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
