I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
