oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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