I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
