It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
third nipple confirmed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
