you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
