Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
