There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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