I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
