Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
