I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
