If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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