after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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