like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
