I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
