We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
