you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
