Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
